More thoughts about blogging

Yeah. I was into bed. For about 20 minutes. But then my thoughts started running and I can't go to sleep without typing them out a little. (Somehow my thoughts really start to whirl around in my head at night. I don't know what it is - but you'll notice I don't post much in the morning.)

Anyways, so I was wondering why blogs and online journals and diaries were so popular. Of course there are those people who have a diary just because "it's cool" and when you read it, it's all "Oh so Jake and I went to the mall today and I bought this lovely shirt, and then we came home and watched this movie, and then...".

Blogs about thoughts, and opinions. (Yeah, I know that. Mine isn't exactly your typical blog, but you will find my thoughts and opinions, except not especially about what would be expected.) They're about expressing them and letting the world know what you think of everything and anything. And no one interrupts you, and if people don't agree with you, they can shove it.

Plus, you're out there. I mean people read you, you're heard, listened to by some, which you might not always get in real life. And it's also like you're making yourself a home on the internet.

Diaries are also about being out there and have people read and care about you and have a part of the internet of your own. Except it's more personnal than a blog (I'm still talking from a general point of view. A ton of people, me included, have a blog that's pretty close to a diary-thing.), it's more about yourself.

Then, it depends whether or not your real life friends/acquaintances (sp?) read you or not. Whether or not you'll reveal secrets or you'll just write and watch what you say because you know who's reading.

I'm not going anywhere - I think I'm too tired to really get somewhere by following my thoughts, but there's somewhere I wanna get to, I can't stop before I do.

Long story short, blogs/diaries/whatever are about expressing yourself.
But do they help ?
I mean, a few months ago I was talking to a few friends about something I can't remember, something I wasn't exactly happy about or something, and this girl asked me if I ever, you know, "let it out" kinda, because I was always so worked up all the time, or if I kept it all inside - and I was like, damn it, I have 3 places on the internet that I say almost everything I have on my mind (except a few things I intentionnally push at the back of my mind), I have my paper diary and I do talk to people. And still I am running all over the place all the time !
So, you know, you have blog/diary/whatever-thing, you meet new people, you might even make friends, you are read, you are out there, you let everything out - but when it comes down to it, does it change anything ?

I don't mean change anything as in "change the world and make this difference to mankind", I don't believe in that and I won't go into that because everytime I do Rob gets mad at me (:P), I mean change anything for you, for your own good/sanity/peace of mind.

Lost my damn train of thought again. I think more at night but I can't think as clearly, can I ?

Sure you've said some things to people all over the planet - but does it really make a difference if you don't say them to the right people ?
Say, for example, I am mad at someone, and I go on and on about it on here, knowing that this person doesn't read me. Will it relieve me in any way if I never tell that exact person why I'm mad at her ?

Okay, that's not exactly a good example, because in that case, yes, I would feel better already. But you get the general idea.

Take my feelings about going to my grandmother's. I told my mother about that - because putting it on here, it really doesn't help.

There was something else I was getting towards. I'm starting to really fall asleep though.

Oh yeah - to some people, say, um, me, stats are important and they counters up. Some people don't feel the need for a counter at all. Why ? Same thing about guestbooks - some people have 'em, some people don't want 'em. Why ?
My other blog. It has no guestbook. Mostly because I wasn't expecting anyone to read, but also because comments about what I write are... irrelevant if you will. I can't find the exact word, so that one will have to do.
Anyways, for a while, that other blog had to link at all to let people know who I was. I said I was Quartz in the first post (which is now deeply buried in the archives) and other basics, but that's it. Now I added links to here and my diary, but I never did and never will put a "contact" link for people to send me e-mails, for example. Of course they can get in touch with me from here, but still. Thing is, those two blogs are separate and different. One calls for a contact link ; the other doesn't.
As for counters - you've all witnessed me go crazy trying to figure out who my numerous readers who won't sign the freakin' guestbook were. It matters to me that I know who reads me and how they got here. I'm not sure why and I'm way too tired to investigate it now, but I think a more relevant question would be : why does it matter at all that I know how many hits a day I get ?
Of course I want to be read - but I want to know if I am read or not. It does make a difference if no one comes here one day (which hasn't happened in so long I'm really gonna take it personnal if it's to happen soon, I'm warning ya :)), but if no one read me at all, I would still keep writing.

I'm stopping here. You may continue the thinking on your own.

After posts like this I really wish I had a team blog, so that another person could pick up my train of thought and make their own from it and vice-versa. But the only friend I have who I think would accept to start a common blog, we shall call her Tweety, with me isn't online enough, and it would end up being my blog only anyway.
So yeah.

I'm going to bed for good now.
God, do you realize I've spent 40 minutes typing this ?