Je viens de passer une journée plutôt déprimante, j'ai passé un peu trop de temps à me crinquer avec des collègues, si bien que j'ai continué de ressasser le tout lors de mon trajet à vélo vers la maison, ce qui m'a donné sept records personnels sur Strava.

Faut bien qu'il y ait du positif dans tout ça.

Okay, je crois que j'ai la réponse : le problème, c'est à la fois moi et les autres. (Et oui, on aurait cru que ce serait assez facile à saisir sans se casser la tête.)

Please. Be happy. All of you. I can't cope if you're not happy.

I certainly would like to know whenever I got that way. I don't even like people, for crying out loud. Nevertheless, right now I am fighting an urge to go up the ladder begging for something to happen - anything that could straighten things up. Although I personally am doing very well, thank you.

God.

Let nothing, no nothing, nothing you dismay
Remember the light is born every day
With tidings of comfort and joy and joy
Tidings of comfort and joy and joy

Addictions II - 10 years later

You always felt solid, reliable, always felt like you were rightfully where you were. It was only after you were gone that I saw you might have been fragile, too, and that you might have had your share of insufficiencies.

I already knew you and I had similar demons. For the longest time though, I was only able to look at yours through mine. It's only after I was able to step back that I realized that all I could see was their external manifestation, and that there had to be causes - which just might also have been similar to mine.

The memories are faint.

I don't remember a time when you were not addicted. I remember a time when it seemed like nothing more than a bad habit, and a time when you had lost all control, as well as the last straw when you finally turned everything around - but I don't remember the escalation.

I was so young, I didn't realize it wasn't pure recklessness. Didn't realize your conduct was only a reflection of how bad you were feeling inside. And clearly, nobody ever asked - did they even wonder?

The only reason I am finally seeing it, I guess, is I've been on the other side, and I know what it is to long for destruction.

There used to be this void I was trying to fill. Did you also have that void inside?
I can see now you were never enough for some, and somehow you kept trying. You never fit in though. I could always see it, but it never occurred to me you might have been taking it in for decades. I don't know if that's how things always stood, or if there was a trigger of some kind, lightyears ago.
Did you long for acceptance? For forgiveness? Did the void swallow you whole - did the pain need numbing?

You woke up one morning and decided it was over. And you followed through. And it seems like everyone took it for granted. But did you just replace one addiction with another?

I made my own turnaround, years later. And it certainly wasn't that kind of clean break. It was more of a gradual rehabilitation. I went back. I tripped. Until I finally healed... forever temporarily.

You probably started filling your own void with something less harmful. It was good enough for the rest of us. But I've got to wonder - was it good enough for you?

You were never enough; even when they got that last chance, they made sure you knew it. I tried to fill your void as well as I could, but, although it was all I felt like I was capable of, I will never settle and think it was enough.

I will always wonder about your pain, your void, your ascent. I hope you got to that peaceful, smooth, quiet place, like I did; I hope you saw your worth and the beauty around you, because real life is out there and everyone deserves a piece of it.

Many of us were too scared to mention it, but I hope someone did stop to tell you at some point - good job.

Osti.

Je viens de trouver mon troisième cheveu blanc.

Je ca.po.te.

Va falloir que je commence à me teindre les cheveux. Mais avec les enfants, j'ai pas le temps. Ce qui est plutôt ironique si on tient compte du fait que ces cheveux blancs-là ont clairement été causés par les enfants.

Des fois, c'est juste trop épuisant d'analyser, et je voudrais juste qu'on me le dise : le problème, c'est moi ou c'est pas moi, là?

Une collègue organise un diner d'équipe cette semaine, sous prétexte de souligner l'anniversaire de trois membres de notre équipe.

Ce matin, elle débarque dans mon bureau pour m'annoncer qu'elle m'a ajoutée à la liste des fêtées, puisque ma fête approche également.

Je viens solidement de manger ma fête par la tête, là. Aoutch.

Ce matin, je me suis rendu compte que je fais de la fausse publicité.

Et non, je ne vous donnerai aucun autre détail.

Câlisse, quand vous marchez deux de large et prenez ainsi toute la foutue place, sur le trottoir ou dans un couloir (noter la rime, ici, merci, merci), pis que je m'en viens vers vous, tassez-vous, SACRAMENT.

C'est sérieusement quelque chose qui m'horripile. C'est pas à moi de m'arrêter pour vous céder toute la putain de place juste parce que vous savez pas vivre. Bon.

Sometimes I take too much in. Like the feelings or impressions of others.

Probably because they resonate with my own - whether past or present, whether conscious or latent.

And frankly, it sucks.

Parce que Bout d'Chou a une couche Hakuna Matata, pour le motiver à venir se faire changer, au cours de la semaine dernière, je me suis mise à chanter Hakuna Matata intensément un matin. Coco trouvait ça plutôt drôle, alors je lui ai expliqué que c'était une chanson du Roi Lion - un film qu'il n'a jamais vu, mais dont il connaît le personnage principal grâce aux minigo -, et comme il ne me croyait pas, on lui a fait écouter la chanson. Depuis, les enfants tripent sur Hakuna Matata - et moi je tripe parce que Raiontzukai leur met la soundtrack originale de Broadway sur repeat à la journée longue.

Et comme c'est la fête des pères -

Ingonyama nengw' enamabala
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

Night and the spirit of life calling
And the voice with the fear of a child answers

Wait! There's no mountain too great
Hear these words and have faith
Have faith
Hela hey mamela, hela hey mamela
Hela hey mamela, hela hey mamela

He lives in you, he lives in me 
He watches over everything we see
Into the waters, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives in you

Dream, and the voice in the wind whispers
Wait! There's no mountain too great
Hear these words and have faith

He lives in you, he lives in me
He watches over everything we see
Into the waters, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives in you

Ingonyama nengw' enamabala
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

He lives in you, he lives in me
He watches over everything we see
Into the water, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives in you