Okay, kidding, I'm not done.

I'm still working tomorrow, so I need to make this in less than 20 minutes. Go !

Kinda related to the 100 personnalities of me issues...

What I like about blogs ? You're out there, and people can read about you and your stuff. And I have this desperate need for people to understand me or what I think or whatever, I'm not sure. It's like, it's the one place you can totally be true and say everything you think and no one will get on your back - except that I do have people I know and meet, whether it be once in a while or everyday, that read. That's when it gets complicated. Because well, it's not like I have anything to hide from them -or maybe I do - but it's not about lying to them. Do I need to say again how I hate fake stuff ? Simply, if I write something pretty deep or something, everytime I'll talk to them, I'll wonder what they thought of it, and how it's modified what they think of me. You know ?
But I really don't care about people I don't know or will never meet reading. Actually, the more of them there is, the best it is. Their opinion does matter to me - simply because they're not biased by what they originally thought of me before they read.
But, for my "privacy"'s sake, I have 2 blogs and one diary, and this is the only place my real-life friends will be allowed to access.
Thing is, theorically, it should all be at the same place. You know ? Because who I am here, and who I am everywhere else, it's different, but it's part of a whole.

Lost my train of thought again. That's where I wanted to get, but I can't remember where I wanted to go from here. Dang it.

Authenticity is somehow very important to me - as opposed to fake - and that's why, still theorically, I insist, everything should be at the same place, like it or not. Okay, je sais pas si vous savez comment ça peut être difficile d'être sérieuse quand l'arrière-plan sonore, c'est Looping... :)
I mean, I have my problems, and I don't think/hope that no one close to me assumes that I don't. Therefore, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to make a complete blog if you will, one on which I could go "okay, these are the problems I'm dealing with. I will be whining about them. I'm also a cheerful person, and I will act hyper as well. Just watch me and deal."
Except that - as I said somewhere else, I am what you make of me. I wrote it looooong ago - I do not choose the perception people have of me. Of course I have something to do with it, but I'm just being me all the while, and whether someone hates me or admires me, I don't have anything to do with it. It's all a matter or relativity kinda thing, it depends on how every person understands how I act.
I also said before that there's a pattern to everyone, and will suppose I go according to a pattern as well. I don't know whether or not it is a clear one, but once people understand it, once again, there shouldn't be any reason for me not to come forward with all of who I am.

But, there again, I am what you make of me.
If you see me as fun, I'll be fun. You think I'm shy, I'll be shy. You see me as perfect, maybe I won't be perfect, but I'll try my damn best to be so. No matter how you see me, I will be that way. Again, it's not entirely my fault.
And if I go around saying all my faults, people will start looking at me thinking "oh, she does this and that", and then I publicly will kinda become those faults.

Four minutes left.

Those people I only know over the internet, for example, I know they'll never have that much influence over me. Even if we do meet, they live miles away, we would talk for 20 minutes and that'd be it, it's not enough for me to feel what they think of me - or if it is, it doesn't matter as much, because it's 20 minutes in my whole damn life, see ? If I have to be perfect for 20 minutes, no problem. I can handle that. Ask me to be perfect for 19 years, and then I might explode.

On the other hand, separating myself in 3 parts isn't exactly too grand an idea either. Because then it becomes a habit to hide, and then it's like, there's Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, you know. I read the book. I know that in the end Mr. Hyde wins - interpret it as you wish, but it's still not exactly an encouraging sign.

It's 11:00 now, I have to go.
You know, I really hope I make some people think when I write serious things. Because I think my head off about these things - Tweety, still wondering what a freewrite is ?
I hope I'm not the only one.
En tk, Frankster-qui-n'aime-pas-l'attention (me semble, oui !), tu vois, té pas tout seul !!!