J'ai fini de travailler !!! Oui-oui, j'ai travaillé très exactement 3 heures au couvoir, c'est tellement rare que c'en est délectable, je vous jure !

J'ai donc quelques minutes à moi avant d'aller prendre une douche rapide pour ne pas sentir la dinde chez la coiffeuse...

Ce matin je travaillais aux ergots, et comme j'ai déjà dit, les ergots, c'est l'idéal pour laisser vos pensées dériver et j'ai dû faire le tour de plusieurs sujets ce matin... (originalement, j'allais dire que j'avais dû faire le tour de ma tête au complet à plusieurs reprises, mais je viens de dire que j'ai seulement travaillé 3 heures, ça sonne pas très brillant...)_ Je me rappelle pas de tous - en fait, oui, je me souviens pas mal de ce à quoi j'ai pensé, mais je me rappelle plus de toutes les conclusions et débouchés que j'ai faits. Mais bon, en voici quand même un petit résumé à tendance plutôt philosophique.

A. Soul-baring
This morning I came online a few minutes before leaving to work and checked the blogs I read. Amazingly enough, Tweety had updated (!!! ;P) and was echoing something I had written here - the part about me not believing in anything, that is.
Which surprised me a little, because... um, let's say, this blog is mainly for my own - and hopefully, your - entertainment and when I post deep thoughts or whatever, it's mainly because to some extent, I don't expect people to read and remember. So I plunge into soul-baring - only a little, of course, because I still know that people read. It's the kind of stunt I like to pull.
Thing is, obviously I like to expose my most intimate thoughts to a small community who will read and comment and make me think, and who I will hopefully make think as well - see main principle of online diaries.
Here though, that's not the point, especially given that I've never been one to practice soul-baring with people I see everyday. Except that the principle that I like is still here, and one in a while I need to do it.
Why soul-baring ? Hmm, that I've already tried to go into a couple of posts back, from a general point of view, but from a more personnal perspective, I know it's a little about self-confidence. You're trying to show people the darkest corners of your soul to get a confirmation that it's all right that you are who you are... Or something.

B. More beliefs
Still inspired by Tweety's reply - I said that I didn't trust others. I do believe in them though - those I'm close to. I hate them a lot of the times, they get on my nerves, socializing is hard and exhausting, but I know I need others, and even better, that as a general rule, I am considered an "other" too, so others need me too.
Tweety talked about stuff she said she never believed in - pretty much the same I talked about - the difference is that I once believed in it. Take the future - I used to look at it as this bright, shiny little star far ahead that I would read. But damn it, if everything's going wrong today, it will be just as wrong tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. And if you keep waiting to reach that bright, shiny little star that you never will get to, if you wait to get there to start living and not be uselessly waiting, your life will have passed you by in a heartbeat, you won't have seen anything. So I take it the way my life is now is how it will be 10 years from now if I'm still here, you know ?
Funny thing though that she replied that she didn't believe in much either is that I wrote part of what I wrote thinking of what she said that made me realize I didn't believe in it.

C. Keeping track of yourself
You are someone today - chances are you won't be the same person 10 years from now.
You are probably not who you were 10 years ago either.
People change, sometimes for the better, sometimes not, but people change.
And one you wake up and you see how different you are - and how did this happen ?
When changes occur and nobody notices, not even yourself, it's usually because the changes happened very slowly - but the question is : what triggers the changes ? Looking back, is it possible to nail it to one single event ? Or is a combination of everything ?
We change when we grow up - but it's not because we're growing up, it's because we have to see stuff we didn't have to see before (see resignation from adulthood).
I don't have the answers on this one, I'm probably the human being who most miserably failed to keep track of themselves, so the question(s) remain(s) - is it possible to keep track of it all ?

J'ai aussi pensé à l'épisode d'hier soir (une reprise) de Boston Public, mais j'ai aucune idée d'où j'ai abouti avec ça.
Ensuite de ça ya une chanson de François Pérusse qui a assailli mes pensées et j'ai plus pensé à rien (je suis sérieuse, je coupais des pouces, et tout d'un coup, l'orchestre au complet est parti dans ma tête :
Il me pogne le goût des fois
De masquer mon p'tit minois
Et de me pointer au Provi-Soir
Et de dire à la caissière
Outre qu'elle a de beaux arrières
Qu'elle me donne le tiroir
Mais t'es pas plus avancé
Parce que là en plus d'être cassé
Tout le monde va en entendre parler
Dans la chronique de Claude Poirier
C'est l'impasse et tu te fâches
Tu décides que tu trépasses
Mais avec les frais de Bourgie
T'es mieux d'oublier ça aussi...
J'peux pas payer !

Bon, je me pitche dans la douche maintenant !