So I have news for you guys.

Usually here I am being, or trying to be, pretty much the clown I am to people's face most of the time, and sometimes I do just say whatever is on my mind, been quite a while since that's happened, but this is it. Because I have good news, but I must admit that I am very, very sad and disappointed right now.

So I was right, the job interview from last Thursday didn't work out for me and the other girl got the job. Which I wasn't very depressed about when she told me, because I was expecting it, I just got very nervous because I fucking need a job for next term.

So the four of us went to see Lady Co-op Program and there is no job left in Ottawa now. We went through a few jobs and the happy announcement is, I have almost officially a job now, she's sending my stuff there and they should contact me, and well, I have the job. And I still have to check exactly where it is, but it's on the South Shore, very, very close to where I live. Which means :
a. I won't have to move for 4 months;
b. I won't have to pay a rent over 400$ each month;
c. I won't have enormous phone bills;
d. Things will be smoother, and by far, than what I was expecting since January.
And it's all good.

What's wrong, then ?
What's wrong, guys, is that this just isn't working out like I was expecting them to. And after 8 damn months of expecting, you just start wanting things to work out the way they are supposed to. And I usually doubt that they will, and I was just beginning to really believe that this was how it was all gonna turn out, and it's not, and I am highly disappointed.
I mean, there's 5 of us I think, and we were all going to move near to each other, I knew we'd be together for 4 months, I trusted we were all going to have a blast, I already had had requests for a traveling arrangement because I was driving there, I just had it all planned out, and it's all just NOT HAPPENING and I am sad. See, next Saturday they're all going to Ottawa to check rooms out and I was going to go too, and now it's no use.
I will also be paid about 10$ an hour instead of around 15$ like most of them, which isn't really the end of the world, but yet another disappointement (however this is supposed to be spelled). And I will fucking be alone.

I got out of Lady's office and all I felt was just deep disappointement (whatever). And I told myself, yes, I'm happy I'm staying close, I'm happy I will be able to see my friends, I'm happy that I won't have to pay enormous bills, and I'm lucky to have this job so damn close to my apartment, BUT STILL ! STILL ! STILL !

It's stupid, because when I got into this co-op thing, I thought I was going to be alone. And then it seemed I wasn't going to be, at least for the first work term, and now I know I will be and suddenly it's not okay.

En tk, Tweety, je vais pouvoir t'aider à organiser la fête de Matinée, finalement, et on va pouvoir se voir.
Va falloir que j'écrive à Émilie C. qui est à Ottawa pour lui dire que finalement, on pourra pas sortir ensemble et se surveiller mutuellement pour pas sauter sur les gars là-bas (d'un coup que ça serait mon genre).

Et en plus, je me souviens que j'avais écrit que ya des jours où j'aurais aimé ça être toute seule chez moi, et que je voulais me servir de mon stage à Ottawa pour passer toutes mes envies de toute seule et puis là je pourrai même pas le faire. Je pourrai même pas m'enfermer dans ma chambre toute seule pour pogner mon down de début de stage en paix. C'est déprimant.