I just got home after seeing Cats. I will be back to comment on it, for now I'm way too tired to do so. I might get time tomorrow morning before I get to work - or not. If I don't, it'll have to be postponed until Monday afternoon, which isn't so bad. By then I'll already have talked about it, so my comments might be slightly clearer. For now just know that it was really good, although different. It's more dancing than actual singing, and there is barely a storyline through the whole thing, so it's not a show everybody will enjoy. The couple sitting next to me left after Act One, for example. However, if you enjoy watching very good acting and be impressed by extraordinary dancing - especially if, like me, you can't dance or even move graciously to save your life - then it's a show for you. It's also a show for you if you like watching guys wearing tights and admire cute butts. ;)

Anyways. I am barely awake right now : my mother drains all energy out of me. I'm glad I moved out because I remember I really couldn't stand living with her anymore last year, and I love her much more from a distance, but damn it, most of the time it really takes all my willpower to spend a night with her without going crazy. She just, damn it, she never listens. Tonight she brought along with her tons of samples of different beauty products : cleanser, blemish-fighting cream, that kind of shit. And when she takes samples, she doesn't take only one : she takes two, or three - when I moved out I had about FIFTEEN damn cleanser samples to bring along. And not fifteen different cleansers : all samples of the same damn cleanser. She's always worried that I'll lack something and my reaction to that is I just feel I am drowning under all that she gives me. And she doesn't even realize how insulting it all gets, she just does it out of kindness, so I just fucking bear with it and shut up. But getting your teeth whitened when you never gave a flying fuck that they were slightly stained is just plain mean, because it's being told that your own fucking mother doesn't even think you're pretty enough. Just the same, when she keeps getting me all those anti-acne products : damn it, do I really need it so damn bad ? I mean I have stuff about myself that I hate already, and my teeth and my acne aren't part of it, why is there a need for you to shove that to my face and tell me : hey, you forgot that, you have to be ashamed of that as well.

People keep trying to show me stuff I should not like about myself. I don't know why. Mostly my toes and my back. I mean damn it, they just might be the only part of my body that don't fucking bother me, PLEASE stop messing with me.

Anyways. I was talking about my mother. All about her is physical appearance. This summer family visited from Swiss and Alberta, and I talked to her on the phone and the first things she told me about them was "well your aunt has a big butt" and "your other aunt gained so much weight she must be well over 200 lbs now", and the other day she went "you know, my sister, she lost so much weight since Christmas, she totally melted, you're going to be surprised when you see her".
Got to wonder what she says about me !

So she gets on my nerves. And I tell her when I don't like what she does/says/whatever, but it doesn't get me anywhere : she doesn't listen. I know I wrote it before, but all the time you're talking, she's really thinking about what she's going to say next. You're talking about something and she'll just start talking to you about something else. And she'll never remember you were talking first. A lot of times she calls me and I can tell she's really calling only so I can listen to her. And when she's done she stops and goes "so... well... nothing's new with you ?" and by then I'm not really interested in talking to her, so I say no, and we hang up. How nice.

Sometimes I really wish I could move very, very far away to see what it would be like.