Just because sometimes it's good enough to see daylight -

August 15, 2003
Or actually, no, it was written before that, but somehow I can't find the first version, so...

I wasn't sad exactly. A bit bitter, maybe, but I'd gotten over the sadness. I'd come to terms with the facts.
I hadn't exaclty given up either. I just couldn't believe in that stuff anymore. Or actually, I still believed it, but I thought it wasn't going to happen for me.
Once you accept something, you can start going forward again. And I just planned out my whole life like this, and it wasn't so bad, no, it wasn't so bad.
I didn't pity myself.
I had just lost that hope somehow and now maybe I should feel relieved that I was wrong, but who knows, maybe I wasn't, and in some dark corner of my mind, I still remember what that hopeless state of mind was like.

August 27, 2003
favorite line excerpted

maybe there will be no tomorrow, maybe tonight i will fall asleep for the last time maybe the end of the world is coming tonight have mercy i tried so hard maybe...