Because, like it or not, I'll always be hiding...

I guess I should've let you in on this, but I always wanted to win myself over on my own. I didn't want to subject anybody else to that sort of reality, because it didn't take me long to see that nobody could help and nobody could really get it.

I'd lie if I said I remembered but I managed to plant evidence that would remind me. Because for so long that was who I was, and for so long I thought it was all I was. And again, I'd lie if I said I didn't miss it sometimes, and I'd lie if I said it's over and I swore I would never fall again.

I'll readily admit the rehab wouldn't have happened in that way if it weren't for you. However, I will personally strangle you if you try to take any sort of credit for it.

Yes, maybe I should've let you in on this, but I just didn't want to hurt you. I'll hurt myself, I can take it, you have no idea how much I can take.

So things would be different if it weren't for you but you don't get to take credit for anything if you never made any active move.

Now, I know this isn't your typical casual conversation and I know I wouldn't let you go too far - but I never asked you to help, I just would've liked for somebody to know and to be proud of me, to be happy for me. It's hard to be fighting alone, yes, and it's hard to win alone.

So I won alone, and I keep winning alone, I'm getting used to it and I know winning alone doesn't necessarily make the win less worthy - but I've won alone and I am hereby denying you any right to claim any credit for this. Because you have no sort of idea how hard I've fought for this and how hard I keep fighting every fucking day for this.

And you should know fighting everyday means everyday I face either failure or success, and that's something else you don't know about, and yet another reason to refuse to share the credit.

Why do you want credit for yourself when you never acknowledged my own efforts?