At the time, I was this terrified thing; a lost and sad tiny piece of a person that would've driven any sensible being away.

Self-destructing at first, then smashing up everything in sight - not that I meant to, it just seemed like there wasn't any way for things to go when I touched them other than up into the air and down to crash onto the ground, and burn.

Crash and burn.
Crash and burn.
I would've given anything to crash and burn as well, anything to take the place of the latest sacrifice - everytime.

I was too scared to touch anything, anyone, and too ashamed to allow anything, anyone to touch me. I undoubtedly was the most digusting thing you could ever have found within miles - all the while, though, I was doing my best, but I don't think anyone could tell. It probably didn't even show at all; my best just couldn't measure up.

I didn't know better.
But I learned.

And I thought the lesson had sunk in, but it never does - I alway knew it on some unconscious level, but I never expected to wake up one day and see this familiar scenery.

I have learned many things, though - I don't want to crash and burn at all, I know that now.
Thing is, I'm not that strong, so do I get a say in this?
I guess I do, but at what point exactly?

I think no time is ever a good time with me, although I am trying as hard as I can to put the fire out - doesn't this ring a bell, don't we all know how this goes down; terrified, lost, sad, tiny - because I don't want to turn into ashes, not like this, and because I know you're close enough to get burned in the process and dear god, please, no, not again.

I know better. I really do. I'm just not in any way capable of proving it at the moment.