The Stroboscope

You talk about it as if it were nothing. It must've been so rough, though.

Beginning of the afternoon. Walking home from the bus stop. An empty sidewalk on a sunny day. The sun shining down on me and my cold, cold heart. Doubt sneaking in.

Breathe in.

Blind faith, cheated sacrifices. Dizziness, the world constantly spinning, that light-headed feeling and the inability to hold on to anything from the outside world.

Breathe out.

Because sometimes appearances are all there is left.

Jangle, jingle, jingle, jangle
Jingle and circle again

The corner of the bedroom, wishing to turn into stone. Stuck on one question blocking all other thoughts: that's it? that's really all I'm worth?

Breathe in.

A six-hour drive with a brief stop halfway through. Polluting my after-life. Tears slowly rolling down, silent cries, desperate for anybody to care. Coffee and the urge to run. Thinking he could get us killed tonight and it would be okay.
Did I imagine it or did he actually say this?

Breathe out.

The reason I hate you so much is I don't have the strength to start over.