I know

Okay. I will acknowledge that you were never purposeful about the whole situation; you never wanted to lead us where we ended up. I did blame you because it was the easy way for me to kill the guilt I wouldn't publicly bear - but I know you couldn't possibly have wanted this. You couldn't possibly have planned this.

I know. I know.

You wanted it all. And so did I. It's not making choices that's difficult - it's sticking to your decision and giving up the other option. It's quitting the game - that game that allows you to wrongfully claim you're being a good person. Until it all crashes, that is - because the denial always causes the skies to crash onto your head. But you couldn't bring yourself to let go entirely.

I know. I know because I wouldn't choose, either.

The only difference is you acted on your desires. You'd follow me when I ran away. You'd look away when I pointed the problem out to you. You stood there, smiling.

The whole time, I knew. And I know why I ultimately gave in to you.

But when that voice in my head asks me why you would want to be doing what you were doing, I have to confess I really have no clue.