A Post in Favour of Floor Segregation in Office Buildings

Recently, I started encountering a woman I had never seen before in the washroom at work. This wasn't entirely unexpected as drafters frequently meet with clients in our drafting rooms. I did notice her because it looked like she was brushing her teeth - as in, she had a toothbrush and toothpaste with her - but it sounded more like she was learning to swim: she was letting the water run forever and somehow causing a disproportionate amount of splishing and splashing sounds to echo off the washroom walls. My inner environmentalist was going nuts over the water running, but trying to remain calm as this woman was only there temporarily - except that she wasn't.

Over the course of several weeks, I saw her all the time. As in, multiple times a day, every day. And every time, she was using up the planet's water supply in order to brush her teeth. I wondered how many times a day a person needs to brush their teeth. This was getting weird.

I thought she was intense. And I thought our drafters clearly were working on one hell of a file if she was here so often. Until one, after she got out of the washroom, I saw her heading for the stairs. Wait. Are you saying she works in this building and chooses to brush her teeth exclusively on this floor?

So I started asking around. Turns out all my female colleagues had noticed her. Obviously. We thought of numerous theories as to who she was and why she was bathing in the sink. And then, one day, a bolder colleague, A, casually said to her "Hi, I don't think we've met?", and apparently this lady was temporarily relocated to the floor just above ours. Why she will not brush her teeth there, only god knows - but. Ever since A approached her, we have not seen our Washroom Lady. Sure, she might just be on vacation, but my theory is that she realized we were on to her and has now elected to brush her teeth on another floor.

Of course, because that mystery was solved, this morning, when I arrived at work, a lady from two floors above was in the kitchen, filling up the kettle (while letting the water running endlessly, I mean, WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE?) and fiddling with the Keurig on the counter. I put my lunch in the fridge and took a look at the kettle when she plugged it in to make sure there would be enough water in it for both her and me. There was. So I went to my office to unload my bags and prepare my French press for my morning coffe. And when I returned to the kitchen, it was empty, and it was a freaking war zone.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. But still: the freaking kettle was filled up, yes, but it had not been set to boil. What are you doing filling the thing up if you're not even going to use it? And if somebody comes into the kitchen while you're just glamourously using their office kitchen for no reason, could you maybe possibly inquire whether they're looking to get some hot water, damn it?

What that other lady did do was use the Keurig, which was now in two separate pieces (not broken, just not put back together as they freaking were three minutes earlier), and somehow leaking, and make a mess of water on the counter, which she had tried to clean up using a cloth - and I know this because at some point she must've gotten too tired because she left the cloth all bunched up on the counter.

So I was stuck waiting for my hot water for five minutes while staring at a messy counter. For fuck's sake, people: if you can't behave, just stick to your own floors.