I was convinced all this time, your aim was solely to hurt me. So I pushed you away, figuring that was really what you wanted and eventually you'd seize your chance.
Now I know that it wasn't.
I still would've hoped you'd have been aware of how much you'd sadden me with each blow.

I was convinced all this time, you solely were playing me. So I denied you all access, figuring I didn't mind, down the line, and that it was fine as long as I made sure I never allowed you to hurt me.
Now I know that it wasn't me you were playing, and that it wasn't even 100% conscious.
And I wonder - in my neverending quest to protect myself, did I hurt you?

I was convinced all this time that you were going to hurt me again.
And then you opened up and let me in, and although I am not allowing myself to trust you entirely because I can't believe that's at all possible - I was blown away.
And now that you're shutting in again, I'm thinking of what I got a glimpse of, and I think - if it weren't from those hours of freewriting during philosophy class, I'd probably be where you are.

If you make the Snakes & Ladders go away, I promise I can be who I was before.