Oh, damn it, I need to write.
I hate how I get sometimes. I'm working tomorrow morning, and I should go to bed like, soon, like, now, but I don't want to sleep. 'Cuz if I go to bed, I'm gonna have to think, and I'm gonna think for a while - I think insomnia is coming back again, anyways, last night it took me forever to go to sleep. And I don't wanna think, I just wanna forget what made me feel like this so I finally can go to sleep. And I don't wanna go to sleep because I don't wanna wake up, and I don't want tomorrow to exist, and... Yeah.
I'm almost proud of myself, I mean writing it here, there are chances that my real life friends are gonna read this. I know it's nothing important, but still, anyone noticed that I'm never feeling anything but happiness when I post something here ?
Anyways. So. I just wanna try typing stuff, anything, to see if maybe that'll help.
You know what, I think hyperventilation got a bit worse ever since September. I've always had that tendency to get all flushed sometimes, but it didn't happen very often. Ever since last semester, my face becomes red very easily and once it's red, it's red for the whole day. Nothing big though, but enough for me to feel it. And at the end of the semester, when, everyone should remember, I was totally stressed out and depressed, I spent the whole time hyperventilating, and of course flushed all the time. So methinks those two things have to be related. And it's the same this semester, I don't think there were two days in a row that my face didn't get red for no reason.
I don't feel like I'm hyperventilating more, though - except for today - and I really don't understand.
I wish I knew how to make the damn hyperventilation go away. It's senseless and it makes me look totally psycho.
I hate hyperventilation. And more specifically, I hate that it's not physically-related. I hate that it's all in my head. I hate that I think I know where it comes from, and I hate that I can't do a damn thing about it.
But I had come here to cheer me up, right ?
What to write, what to write...
I really should go to bed soon, but I'm not feeling any better, and I still don't wanna sleep.

I am Quartz, I am 18 years old, I go to college (or something like that, figured it was almost the equivalent of college in the US), I'm studying sciences, I hate it, I failed my physics class last semester, and I should've also failed my chem class but the teacher was nice and gave me a 60%. Technically this should be my last semester in college before I go to Uni, but I had gotten a freaky phys. ed. class that there was no way in hell I was taking, so I canceled it and while I was at it, I also canceled my nutrition class, so I'll remain in college for one more semester. Then I'll go to Uni, not sure what I'm gonna study there, the only idea I got is Translation, so unless I get some Extraordinary Idea, that's gonna be it. I hate school and all that's keeping me there is my friends.

*Writer's block*
*Must keep writing*
*Feeling almost better*

I will get my driver's license in June, for now I have my permit, I also have my own car, which is a flashy blue Sunbird and gives me a freedom I love. It's great to be able to plan what I wanna do by myself without having to check with my parents if I can borrow their car for a night. I might be buying a new car after this winter, my father said he was looking for another one.
I love reading, I love The count of Monte Cristo, The woman who loved reindeer.
"Ally McBeal" is the best TV Show ever. I love that character.
I listen to music all the time, any kind of music, I just turn on the radio, listen to the lyrics of the songs, and then download them when I get home. And then I find the lyrics and learn them by heart. I am a living jukebox.
I am almost an only child, I have an older step-sister, but we didn't grow up together. And no, my parents are not divorced. I was always told I was a lot like my father and never believed it, but the older I get, the more I realize that it's true - I may not look like him that much, but our personnalities are very close. It's weird. Sometimes I wonder if what he's thinking inside of himself resembles to what I am thinking all the time. But that's not the kind of thing you ask.

No, I said "cheer me up".

I love languages. I have completed my two English classes at school, and I was hoping to get Spanish II this semester, but they gave me Nutrition instead - which, if you read everything, I canceled. So maybe I'll get it next semester. I really hope so, it's been a while since I've been totally clueless as to how a language works. I'm really disappointed I'm not learning more of it at the moment, I mean, if I'm to learn a language, might as well learn enough of it to carry a decent conversation.

I think I'm feeling better. Still don't really feel like going to bed, but I think that's hopeless.
'night everyone.