Saturday, March 30, 2002

Conversation has a time and a place
In the interaction of a lover and a mate,
But the time of talking,
using symbols, using words
Can be likened to a deep sea diver
Who is swimming with a raincoat

Come stand a little bit closer
Breathe in and get a bit higher
You'll never know what hit you
When I get to you

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out

- Savage Garden

Arrgh !
J'arrive à rien dans Louvre : L'Ultime Malédiction ! Je suis rigoureusement ma soluce, et puis ça se passe pas du tout comme ça ! Moi dès que je bouge, ya un tapon qui se met à me crier après avant de me tuer ! Et j'commence à être tannée de mourir toujours de la même façon !

Ensuite de ça, ya une de mes lointaines... euh, tante ? grand-tante ? je sais pas exactement le lien, mais bon, cé dans la famille, qui a envoyé un e-mail pour nous souhaiter joyeuses Pâques... L'e-mail est adressé à Mom, et elle dit de saluer Nom_de_mon_père et *Roxanne*.

Ici, je vous accorde 30 secondes pour trouver qui est cette Roxanne.

Oui, vous avez trouvé.
Je m'appelle donc Roxanne, maintenant, les amis.
Non mais, ça fait quand même la deuxième fois que quelqu'un de la famille ne se souvient plus de mon nom, ça m'en fait de plus en plus à renier, ment dné, ça fait, bâtard, ça vous rentre pas dans la tête ?!?!? Cé quand même simple !

Belle famille, non ?
Quand on pense que j'ose demander aux gens de s'intéresser à moi. Je devrais peut-être commencer par leur demander de se rappeler de mon nom.

Friday, March 29, 2002

Mon auto est vendue !
Oui !
Je viens de faire 500$ !
Woohoo !
Ça fait du bien à mon budget-auto !
A spider ! A spider an inch away from my face !

Why do those things get to hang from roofs ? Next to your face until you see them and freak out ?

Besides, I think it was a genetically modified spider.
I only saw 6 legs.
But then again, I might be wrong.
Still is scary.
According to this, the musical that represents me the most is Contact.

And #2 is... guess ?
Aida. :)
The Raven
Edgar Allan Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore -
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
'Tis some visiter,' I muttered, 'tapping at my chamber door -
Only this and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
'Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is and nothing more.'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
'Sir,' said I, 'or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door;
Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, 'Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word 'Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
'Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, 'art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the Raven 'Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as 'Nevermore.'

But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing farther then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered 'Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said 'Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
'Doubtless,' said I, 'what it utters is its only stock and store
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never - nevermore.'

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking 'Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp - light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp - light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot - falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
'Wretch,' I cried, 'thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore;
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the Raven 'Nevermore.'

'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of evil! prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by Horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the Raven 'Nevermore.'

'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.'
Quoth the Raven 'Nevermore.'

'Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked, upstarting -
'Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the Raven 'Nevermore.'

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp - light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

How incredible is that rythm ?

Thursday, March 28, 2002

Ah, je comprends.

Tu es en train de lire mes archives.

Tu vois, je suis tes moindres mouvements, je sais tout sur toi... tu ne peux pas m'échapper ! muahahahahaha !
Come on now !
Tu étais là il y a à peine 10 minutes, tu dois être encore là !

(quoique je suis pas mal déçue, je pensais avoir retrouvé la trace de Lecteur Mystérieux et Lecteur Inconnu, mais finalement, après vérification de IP, ze m'étais trompée. mais je sais toujours pas qui tu es, petit lecteur que je couraille !)

Non mais, ça reste drôle.
J'ai fait exprès de mettre 3 alertes sur ma page pour que tout le monde signe le guestbook au moins une fois, et euh, ça a pas l'air d'être clair !
Si je me fiais juste à mon guestbook, je me dirais que ya personne qui me lit ! C'est seulement mes stats qui me disent le contraire... En tk.

Allez ! Je veux savoir qui tu es, toi !!!
Ok ! Alerte ! Alerte !

TOI !!!

Oui, toi qui lis ça présentement, qui est connecté par câble avec vidéotron, qui est venu 5 ou 6 fois sur ce blog depuis à matin.... qui es-tu ????

Which Angelina Are You?

Aucune idée si ça a du sens ou pas, mais ça fait assez souvent que je me fais dire que je ressemble à Angelina Jolie pour me motiver à faire ce test-là !!!
Quantum Unit Assembled for Repair and Terran Zoology

Hmm. Oh well.

I am a hip critter. I showed up fasionably late with Super Mario World and have started launching your own career since then. In maybe 10-15 years, my popularity will rival Mario's. Not that I'm competing with him. He's my bud. I'm good at getting and keeping friends, and they value me for that. After all, who else would carry them on their back through ice, fire, and rain? Sometimes I think I'm taken for granted, but I know that my friends have my back. Of course they do. Who would screw over Yoshi?

What Super Mario Bros character are you?

Your a toothy, you have poor dental hygine and are fucking insane. Some circles want you dead.On the upside you love life though!

Take the What
FMC Emoticon Are You?? Quiz


I accepted my piano teacher's proposition to take my interpretation exams on May 25.
Why did I do that ? Just how crazy am I ? I never will make it. Ever.

That's what I was saying yesterday.

This stupid idea that if I want to, I can be ready in two months. But I can't ! I can't !
This stupid idea that I will start practicing more often and that things'll work out. They won't ! They won't !

I do such stupid things sometimes.
Je suis encore tout à fait troublée, entre autres, que je sais toujours pas qui est-ce qui m'a appelée mardi passé... J'étais convaincue que c'était Sabrina, mais non.

Je me dis que ça doit être une fille de mon équipe pour le Projet, vu que c'est pas mal juste elles qui n'ont pas mon numéro de cell, mais j'ai pas eu vent que quelqu'un veuille me parler...

Je crois que je vais y aller avec un big giga mail... :)

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

It's all so unfair.

I can stand for myself. I can make my own moves, sometimes it's hard, but I can find the strength in myself to act, and I can communicate, and I can be strong. I should get more than those who don't. I should deserve more.

How about that girl who never does anything by herself ? The one who can't communicate with people, who's too scared to ever go forward ? Why does she get everything ? Why is it that all she has to do is go to friends, and tell them, and they'll tell her what to do, and even do it for her ? Why will she get more ?

Why must I always be the one working to get things, and never get them anyway, why I am the plagued one, why must I be the one fighting all the time ?

People like that girl should learn things too. The hard way if they have too. I've learned stuff the hard way. Why doesn't that happen to everyone ? Why do those who never do anything without others have it easy ?

No, I'm not necessarily stronger than them. No, I can't take more than them. Even if I did - why should I ?

It's not fair. Not fair. Why can't anything be fair ?
It's still all about control. Why can't I change that ?
It's all about controlling things.
It's all about this idea that people put into your head as you're growing up, this idea that "you can if you want to."
Do they have any idea what effect that thinking can have ?

I'm sorry, people, but it doesn't work that way. No matter how bad you want something, it doesn't mean you'll get it. You can try as hard as you can, but there are no guarantees. Ever.

We're all said that all our lives. But it's not true.
And I hate feeling helpless.
After all, I'm strong, I'm intelligent, I can do anything.

But I can't do a thing against machines. If my car is gonna die on me in the middle of the street, it doesn't matter what I do. A machine can very well win against me.
But I can't do a thing against people. I can't change them, I can't make them do what I want them to, I can't turn them into what I think they should be.
But I can't do a thing against destiny. Remember that guy during the huge icestorm in '98 that stared at me all the time ? I never saw him again. I don't even know who he is.
But I can't do a thing against myself.

Then tell me what's left ? What can I control ? What can I do if I want to ?
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
5 (20) Fives are basically on some level estranged from the rest of the world, consequently, their mind is usually their best friend. They like to analyze things and make sense of them (that is their anchor), this makes them great inventors and philosophers. The immense inner world of fives can cause them to lose touch or interest in reality.

Not that bad.

4 (18) Fours are all about being unique and creating their own distinct culture. They experience the highs and lows of life more intensely than other types. This makes them great creative forces (artists, writers, filmmakers). Fours often feel like misplaced children, and they long for a sense of real family.

I like that too.

6 (18) Sixes are defined by anxiety. They are gifted in their ability to see the dark and light sides of life (and of people and situations around them). This insight into possible outcomes makes them useful planners. However since they are never sure what will prevail they are always on edge and cling to predictable structures/systems for peace of mind.

Hmm. Dunno.

7 (17) Sevens are optimistic thrill seekers that see life as an adventure. They are always thinking of new possibilies and adventures. This constant zest for life is often just escapism. Once things lose there fun they are no longer interested, so many projects go unfinished. Essentially, they avoid the difficulties of life because they fear being overwhelmed by them.

Avoid the difficulties of life. Well, I think I've had my share of them, shouldn't I be allowed to avoid them ?

8 (16) Eights are natural leaders. They are straight forward, direct, large personalities, that are unlikely to back down to adversity. They have a talent for motivating others. They have a strong sense of justice and are often protectors of the weak. However, they also have short fuses and can become domineering tyrants.

What's funny is how contradictory my personnality is. I confuse myself most of the time.
Hein ?!?!?!

J'ai eu 83% en physique ! Je ne comprends pas ! Mais tellement pas !

C'est pas des jokes, j'ai rien suivi du cours d'aujourd'hui tellement j'étais sous le choc... Mais comment j'ai fait ça ? C'est une joke ? Ça n'a pas de sens ! Merde, j'ai plus que doublé le score que j'avais eu à la session passée ! Vous vous rendez compte ?????

Quatre-vingt-trois, merde, c'est quelque chose comme la meilleure note que j'ai jamais décrochée en sciences au CÉGEP !!!

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

Absent teacher.
No physics class.
No result. Yay. :)

Free period. Which lasted 4 hours. Arrived at school at 11:40 for a class at 4:00.
aaaaaaaaaaah !
I had forgotten that I'm getting my result today ! And now my last post reminded me ! I don't want my result !

I woke up at 6:30 this morning. When my first class is at 12:00 - which is physics, which is result, nooooooooooo ! Not even funny. Anyways, good news is, I have one small French text to write for tomorrow, and some work for my damn Project to do - and because it's that early, I'll have time to. And I'll have time to exercize as well. I haven't had time in two weeks to do that. I want Spring break back - no, wait, I don't. I want a relaxing Spring break.

I decided that next time I'm going to the hairdresser, I'm getting my hair dyed red. I'll have stuck to my natural color for exactly 6 months. Which is good. Before that, I was blonde for 8 months, which I think is a personnal record.
Now I want red !

Monday, March 25, 2002

Oh. And tomorrow, me's getting physics result.

Tell me now : is typing actually that hard ?
Is a text editor that complicated to use ?

I hate people getting everything done for them when no one did anything for me and I didn't get any feedback from my part of the work.

OD is down. Damn it.

Some guy said he was interested in buying my car. I think it's great, but if we do sell it and ain't got another one, either my father or I is on foot, and we both can't be !
I need a car ! I need a car !
Did I mention that I had forgotten at what time to set my alarm clock last night ? I ended up setting it too early, and it's only this morning that I remembered at what time I usually get up.

Need a break.
Only 3 days of school this week. Only 3. I can make it. I have to.
But God do I want it to be over.

Sunday, March 24, 2002

Ça va mal, ça va mal, ça va mal, chu tannée, ben, ben, ben tannée, chu pu capable d'entendre parler d'Alzheimer, chu écoeurée de travailler, anyway j'y arrive pas, chu pas capable de me concentrer, ou bien tout se mélange ou bien je m'endors. D'une manière ou d'une autre, j'arrive à rien suivre et je sais toujours pas comment la maladie d'Alzheimer agit.

Câlisse, faites quelque chose !
Ok, cé quoi le maudit problème si je mets mon foutu marqueur de liaison au milieu de ma phrase au lieu du début ? Câlisse, là, je m'excuse, mais ça reste mon texte ! S'il est pas clair ou erroné, fine, change-le. Mais laisse-moi mes esties d'expressions !
Will you please get off my back ?
Why isn't anything I do good enough to anyone, damn it ?

... Is not writing like someone else a crime ? Does that mean the expressions I use are not as good ? For God's sake !

Everyone is persecuting me today. Get off my freakin' back, and now !