Saturday, February 02, 2002

Life is still unfair.

And I received two forwards that were far from being funny...

Damn I need another blog just to post them.

Friday, February 01, 2002

Oh, damn it, I need to write.
I hate how I get sometimes. I'm working tomorrow morning, and I should go to bed like, soon, like, now, but I don't want to sleep. 'Cuz if I go to bed, I'm gonna have to think, and I'm gonna think for a while - I think insomnia is coming back again, anyways, last night it took me forever to go to sleep. And I don't wanna think, I just wanna forget what made me feel like this so I finally can go to sleep. And I don't wanna go to sleep because I don't wanna wake up, and I don't want tomorrow to exist, and... Yeah.
I'm almost proud of myself, I mean writing it here, there are chances that my real life friends are gonna read this. I know it's nothing important, but still, anyone noticed that I'm never feeling anything but happiness when I post something here ?
Anyways. So. I just wanna try typing stuff, anything, to see if maybe that'll help.
You know what, I think hyperventilation got a bit worse ever since September. I've always had that tendency to get all flushed sometimes, but it didn't happen very often. Ever since last semester, my face becomes red very easily and once it's red, it's red for the whole day. Nothing big though, but enough for me to feel it. And at the end of the semester, when, everyone should remember, I was totally stressed out and depressed, I spent the whole time hyperventilating, and of course flushed all the time. So methinks those two things have to be related. And it's the same this semester, I don't think there were two days in a row that my face didn't get red for no reason.
I don't feel like I'm hyperventilating more, though - except for today - and I really don't understand.
I wish I knew how to make the damn hyperventilation go away. It's senseless and it makes me look totally psycho.
I hate hyperventilation. And more specifically, I hate that it's not physically-related. I hate that it's all in my head. I hate that I think I know where it comes from, and I hate that I can't do a damn thing about it.
But I had come here to cheer me up, right ?
What to write, what to write...
I really should go to bed soon, but I'm not feeling any better, and I still don't wanna sleep.

I am Quartz, I am 18 years old, I go to college (or something like that, figured it was almost the equivalent of college in the US), I'm studying sciences, I hate it, I failed my physics class last semester, and I should've also failed my chem class but the teacher was nice and gave me a 60%. Technically this should be my last semester in college before I go to Uni, but I had gotten a freaky phys. ed. class that there was no way in hell I was taking, so I canceled it and while I was at it, I also canceled my nutrition class, so I'll remain in college for one more semester. Then I'll go to Uni, not sure what I'm gonna study there, the only idea I got is Translation, so unless I get some Extraordinary Idea, that's gonna be it. I hate school and all that's keeping me there is my friends.

*Writer's block*
*Must keep writing*
*Feeling almost better*

I will get my driver's license in June, for now I have my permit, I also have my own car, which is a flashy blue Sunbird and gives me a freedom I love. It's great to be able to plan what I wanna do by myself without having to check with my parents if I can borrow their car for a night. I might be buying a new car after this winter, my father said he was looking for another one.
I love reading, I love The count of Monte Cristo, The woman who loved reindeer.
"Ally McBeal" is the best TV Show ever. I love that character.
I listen to music all the time, any kind of music, I just turn on the radio, listen to the lyrics of the songs, and then download them when I get home. And then I find the lyrics and learn them by heart. I am a living jukebox.
I am almost an only child, I have an older step-sister, but we didn't grow up together. And no, my parents are not divorced. I was always told I was a lot like my father and never believed it, but the older I get, the more I realize that it's true - I may not look like him that much, but our personnalities are very close. It's weird. Sometimes I wonder if what he's thinking inside of himself resembles to what I am thinking all the time. But that's not the kind of thing you ask.

No, I said "cheer me up".

I love languages. I have completed my two English classes at school, and I was hoping to get Spanish II this semester, but they gave me Nutrition instead - which, if you read everything, I canceled. So maybe I'll get it next semester. I really hope so, it's been a while since I've been totally clueless as to how a language works. I'm really disappointed I'm not learning more of it at the moment, I mean, if I'm to learn a language, might as well learn enough of it to carry a decent conversation.

I think I'm feeling better. Still don't really feel like going to bed, but I think that's hopeless.
'night everyone.
I think I need another blog. To put the short entries I wanna write somewhere, but can't. Because they're too short to be on my OD (just how perfectionnist am I) and too personnal to be put up here where people I know IRL can read. I don't know. I'll think about it.

I just wanna say now that life is unfair.
Ok, so I know some of the HTML is screwed up, but I'm doing 23 different things at the same time, so I'll fix it later... maybe. :)
I'll repeat it : I hate snow !
Took me an hour and 10 minutes to drive up to school this morning. *So* nice.
Had a stats class, with the idiot teaching the class who taught us that periods go at the end of sentences. And that sentences start with a capital letter. And plenty of other stuff of that kind. It was so stupid it actually was funny.
I really don't like stats. It's not that hard, it's all a matter of logic - contrary to those damn derivatives and all that came with it - but I go crazy over it. The first homework asked us to make the list of how many different hamburgers we could order at a restaurant (plain, with ketchup, etc...) No formula, no hint, no nothing, you just had to find all of them. There were 32 goddamn possibilities, you know ! I was totally stressed out, scared to leave one option out, and well, that's how I get for every stats homework !
Then I had French, with my sex-obsessed teacher (I mean it, we had 4 classes up until now, and there wasn't one that did not include an allusion to sex. Sca-ry. I mean... Sca-ry) who told us about humanism for a pretty long while, long enough, at least, for me to get mad at him ! I'm much closer to the existentialism philosphy, and well, humanism is pretty much all I disagree with. Very frustrating.
And then I had physics, only for an hour, with a very entertaining teacher, so it wasn't that bad.
French class triggered a lot of thinking about my own beliefs and stuff, and I posted that on my OD. I wanted to (edit it and) post it here as well, but for now I feel too lazy to open a new window to get to my entry, and then copy it, and then close the window, and then paste it here... Way too hard. So you'll have it another day. If at all. :)

Still hate snow.

Thursday, January 31, 2002

I hate snow. I hate snow. Especially when I have to drive. Especially on highways.
Especially when I have to drive all the way to a college located 45 minutes away from my home. Which means that tomorrow it'll take about an hour to get there. That's loooooong... Ugh.

No news from either Mysterious Reader or Unknown Reader, so I'll shut up about them for now. :)

Am working on some new HTML for my blog. Don't expect anything huge though, 'cuz it'll still be created by me, who's not an HTML queen, but it should be enough to make myself proud - which is always a good thing, right ?

Anyone interested in buying chocolate bars from me ? Will be selling some in two weeks, for piano concert. The bars are even guaranteed nut-free. Come on. You know you want chocolate. :)
Damn it !!!!

I don't know what happened to Mysterious Reader, but our new-found Unknown Reader is definitely making fun of me ! Right in front of my face !

Unknown Reader came by this very morning ! And didn't sign the guestbook !
Either they're having a blast seeing me that confused, or they just didn't understand I was talking about them in my last posts.

D'accord. On va essayer d'être plus claire, alors.
Si tu as une connexion haute vitesse avec vidéotron et que tu lis ceci présentement, clique sur le petit lien "comment" à la fin de mon post et laisse-moi un mot !
Haha, gotcha !
This time I *know* it worked even though my latest post isn't showing in my window.
Who's the goddess ?
Ha. See ? Toldja !
I hate when publishing *looks* like it's not working and I hit publish over and over again only to find it worked everytime without me knowing about it !
And then I have to delete a ton of posts.
AAAAAAAAH J'arrive pas à publisher ce que j'écris, ça apparaît nulle part, mais je suis prête à gager que ça va apparaître en quintuple exemplaire dans quelques secondes !
Bon, correction : oui, ça fait un mois que j'ai mon blog. Ça fait même un mois et 10 jours pour tout vous dire.
J'aime ça me contredire, ces temps-ci, on dirait ?

I have a ton of things to do today.
I have a stats homework (no ! help ! no !), I have to read Shakespeare's Hamlet (well, not all of it for today, but given how busy I am, I should try to read at least half of it today - and I don't want to !!!!), I have to practice my piano, I have to exercize (dance class is absolutely killing me, my muscles ache for 3 days after each class. Which is why I should try and get in better shape) and I should start organizing my school stuff.
Can you believe I had to get Harry Potter binders ? That's all that was left at the school store - and I'm not even planning to ever read Harry Potter !
I should also make a list of the school items I still have to get so I can try and get them Friday afternoon. Like the philosophy text that I have to read for Monday (don't you just hate philosophy ?)

I'm not sure the day will last long enough...

Wednesday, January 30, 2002

Bon. Regardez donc ça, je me suis répétée. C'est assez triste, quand on pense que ça fait même pas un mois que j'ai un blog...

Alors mes sincères excuses, et euh, vraiment, je me rappelais pas être venue poster quelque chose ici à matin... Ça vous donne une idée à quel point je suis sur le cruise control le matin...
Suis enfin arrivée à comparé les IP et tout, et euh, oops ! me suis trompée !
C'est pas Lecteur Mystérieux qui est venu faire son tour hier, mais ça veut dire que j'ai un deuxième inconnu, que nous appellerons pour les besoins de la cause Lecteur Inconnu ! Qui est aussi connecté à haute vitesse avec vidéotron - ya quelqu'un qui essaie de me fourrer, je pense !
En réalité, d'après mes stats, Lecteur Inconnu est seulement venu 2 fois ici, remarquez, ce qui n'est pas le quart du huitième du nombre de fois où Lecteur Mystérieux est retonti (oui, je me cherche des synonymes lol), mais ça me rend curieuse quand même. Non, ça ne m'en prend pas gros. :)

I'm proud of myself, right now, I am on both AIM and MSN. At the same time. I'm still invisible on ICQ, but hey, give me a break. I don't know what happened to me, but I've been almost hiding from people on the internet.
It's even worse with AIM, because all those on my list I don't know IRL.
So as I said somewhere else : if you IM me, just remember that I am convinced that you hate me and that I sound stupid. So there's a reason I'm not very talkative. :) (That, and I'm still not sure how exactly that program works, lol)

Oh ! And I have no school tomorrow !

Be prepared to read that every Wednesday night !
Mon Dieu que je suis fourrée - toujourd concernant l'identité de Lecteur Mystérieux.
J'ai toujours pas réuni assez de patience pour checker les IP par rapport aux ISP (je comprends pas, pourtant ça prenait 30 secondes avant et depuis hier, ça prend full de temps), mais j'ai quand même réussi à voir ce matin que ce n'est pas Lecteur Mystérieux qui est venu faire son tour hier soir... mais c'est un lecteur inconnu qui est déjà venu une fois le 23 janvier passé. Et je sais pas du tout qui c'est non plus. Quoique je vais essayer de trouver ça ce soir, mais en tk ! Je crois qu'il y a une conspiration pour me rendre folle (en plus de mon cours de stats !), si c'est rendu que j'ai plus d'un lecteur mystérieux !
Fallait vraiment que je partage à quel point je suis mélangée, et maintenant je m'en vais prendre l'autobus pour aller au cégep - J'HAÏS LE CÉGEP !

Tuesday, January 29, 2002

Lecteur mystérieux est revenu faire un tour il y a très exactement 50 minutes. (Enfin je crois, suis en train de vérifier les IP pour voir si c'est vraiment la même personne, mais ya des grandes chances.)
Pour la première fois depuis que j'ai passé mon dernier avis de recherche, alors je vais le relancer !!!

Recherchons personne possédant une connexion haute vitesse avec vidéotron qui aurait visité mon blog dans la dernière heure pour la première fois depuis au moins une semaine et qui n'aurait jamais signé mon guestbook. Je me creuse la tête depuis des semaines pour essayer de deviner qui tu es, et franchement, j'en n'ai aucune idée !!! Prière de signer mon guestbook pour t'identifier, ça me rend vraiment folle !!!!

Merci de votre collaboration. :)

(ah pis ça prend trop de temps checker les foutus IP, alors dla marde ! On va assumer que cé la même personne, ok ?)

(Gab ???? Ça serait renversant, mais il paraît qu'il y a des miracles qui arrivent à tous les jours... Et tu étais online tantôt, me semble...)

Monday, January 28, 2002

All right.

I got AIM now.

'tis weird.
Damn it.
Been toying with the damn HTML of my page for the last 15 minutes, and I just can't get the font size right.
HTML is evil.

(at this rate, I'll be surrounded by evil very soon)
Leaving for school in 10 minutes. No ! Help ! (vous connaissez la joke du gars qui se noie et qui crie help ? Ya un autre gars qui passe à côté et lui répond qu'il aurait mieux fait d'apprendre à nager au lieu d'apprendre l'anglais... Quoi ? J'ai jamais dit qu'elle était drôle !)

Je rentre en philo à matin ! Je veux pas ! Pas 3 heures de philo ! Tout mais pas ça !

Guess what I'm listening to right now ?
No, I won't bother telling you.
The only hint I'll give you is that there was a rehearsal yesterday.

Les pleurs de la Nubie
S'effaceront avec la pluie
Qui coule à travers nos prières
Et se noie dans la rivière
Qui coule à travers nos prières
Et se noie dans la rivière
Vers ton rivage
Au gré du vent

Sunday, January 27, 2002


J'arrive pas à arrange le font size dans mon code !
J'ai mal à la gorge. Ça veut dire qu'un rhume s'en vient.

Bâtard de marde.
Can't get a screename for AIM.

Will have to think about it.

Only letters and numbers and spaces. And I hate having numbers in any of my sn's.

Yep. Who was it that said I wasn't perfectionnist ?
I'm thinking of getting AIM.
It's like everyone has it.
And well, I tried msn, so I figure AIM can't really be worse - or can it ?!?!

Anyways. Yeah. I'll probably download it.

À part de ça, "The Gods Love Nubia", c'est vraiment dur ! En fait, la crosse, c'est qu'au début les sopranos avaient été divisés en deux et une des deux parties avait été mélangée avec une partie des altos. Alors il y avait 3 voix pour les filles : les sopranos, les hybrides sopranos/altos, et les altos. Puis tout d'un coup vers la fin de la chanson, on retourne à 2 voix, alors je suis retournée avec les sopranos - parce que chanter bas, ça a jamais été mon fort - sauf que là, je me ramasse avec beaucoup de pression, parce que l'endroit où je dois retourner avec les sopranos - autrement dit tomber dans un autre ton totalement, c'est sur une note cruciale où toute la musique arrête, et qu'il faut chanter fort pour ne pas que ça paraisse. Donc si je manque ma note, non seulement je ne peux pas la repogner avant le couplet suivant, mais ça va tout faire foirer !

C'est ça.

Ah, et je tiens à dire à tout le monde que je suis rackée à cause d'un vocalise qu'on a fait et que j'ai toujours été incapable de faire. Assez ridicule, non ?