Tuesday, December 31, 2002

If you think back, and replay your year, if it doesn't bring you tears of either joy or sadness, consider it wasted.
Those who watched Ally McBeal should all know how wise John Cage was.

So... quoted from December 31, 2001 (slightly modified though) -
"I never make resolutions for New Years, so I can't say I've achieved something this year. But I did make a wish on my birthday this summer. For the first time in years, my wish wasn't to lose weight, or t meet a great guy, or to have more money. I wished that the next would be a good year."

Yeah, and at that point I thought it was a total misuse of that candle-blowing moment, because in that 6-month time, some doctor announced to me that my hyperventilation was all in my head I said 'so's everything' but he didn't get it, I went crazy with my classes at school and thought for sure I wouldn't get out of college alive.

But then 2002 started.

I tried to take it easy at school... I'm not sure whether or not it was a good thing. At the beginning of the year, I worked even less at school... I remember starting studying two hours before an exam. I did manage to pass the class, no idea how or why... I started freewriting during my philosophy classes, every Monday morning at 8:00. That was nice. I survived a horrible French class, with a teacher who had ideas as opposed to mine as can be (even more than Rob ;)) and over-motivated team partners who didn't give a damn about me, and whom I let down more than once because of the musical...

Another doctor called me crazy. I think if I were to make any resolution, it would have to be to never go back to any doctor of any kind (except maybe the "Doctor of Divinity" kind to which Rob belongs ;)) (Houston, we have a victim).

Then summer happened. And it was actually pretty good, unexpectedly good, given my fears based on the horrible last two summers.

And then school started again. And I finally came to be able to study a little. And I passed all them 3 classes over average.

I don't know. I do think this year was calmer than, say, the last two.
Quoted again, still slightly edited -
"I won't make resolutions for next year either. Because I don't believe in that stuff. And because I've had enough of broken promises made to oneself. So I'll just wish for that same thing. I hope that things get smoother. I hope that I keep that ability to hope. I hope that I can remember what I've learned... and survive."

So this year I tried new stuff, kept going for things I really wanted to do, and started seeing results to it all.
Because when it comes down to it, yes, this world is a horrible, disgusting one and I hate that I am part of it - but it's not necessarily that bad.

I've achieved and grown a lot in the past two years, when I really started writing and thinking about who I was and what I was doing... I found the answers to a hell of a lot of questions, and at some point this year I realized that it all led me to know who I am.

So I guess I have to be satisfied of this year of 2002 - I at least have to admit there was an improvement.

And as far as I can see, 2003 should be an improvement as well, or at very least a huge change.

So tonight I wish, again, for things to get smoother, better for everyone including myself, and I wish all of you good luck for all there is still to come.

Happy New Year.

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