Funny.

As I was driving home tonight I started thinking about different things - mostly about how my view of certain things had changed in the last few years. I tend not to remember my own beliefs when they change, or actually, not really notice that they've changed, and the only reason I now remember some of it is because I remember typing them here or elsewhere.

So, for example, now, time isn't such an issue for me anymore. I used to see life as this big beat-the-clock contest, and that's a lot of why I was so scared of my birthday all the time, because I felt I wasn't keeping up with time, that I never was going to achieve all that I wanted, all that I was supposed to achieve by... by some imaginary deadline that I never really defined, I guess. I just wanted to achieve IT, I wanted a big achievement of my own, I'm not sure what exactly, but I wanted to do it before it was too late.
I'm fine now. I turned 21 and I'm fine with it. I feel like each day is bringing me a little bit forward, and I guess that's all I need. For now. Because I know it could change.

That's just an example, but I think as a whole vision, I could say that this existentialism I was about before doesn't influence my thinking so much anymore. Like, it's still there because I still agree with what I said before - the time issue, too. I'm just not panicking over it anymore. Because I'm fine.

I said it could change because a lot of things I realize I keep going back and forth about. I figure I got the emotional IQ of a 5-year-old - I can't deal with a lot of things. This is what the basic trigger of everything is, I can't deal. Can you teach me to deal ?

Good night.