Saturday, April 08, 2006

I guess it probably wasn't the best time or the best place to snap.
But you'll find no regrets, here. Do I ever regret what I do? Of course if I was given the chance, I might not do everything exactly the same way. But I never hurt myself or anyone else bad enough to wish I hadn't acted the way I had.

The thing about poison is you don't necessarily smell or taste it - and a lot of the time it's easy to confuse it with something that's good for you, something you want a piece of.

Except that by the time you've had a taste and realized that yuck! this stuff is shit - you're dead. One morning the sun rises and you don't wake up.

I meant all of it and I won't try to deny it - that's the thing about me: I never say things I don't mean.

I can do without the pain and I certainly want to lose the bad. So far I've only been trying to keep the good.

But I don't think I really want the good. I don't even think I need the good. I'm not sure there is some good at all.

I don't know what's wrong with it, but what you're offering me isn't enough. It's like you're giving but I'm not receiving. And you're back and you're new and improved - then why do I feel the same? You say I don't want to be doing this but you ARE and you say I am where I want to be and WHERE AM I???

I would consider mistakes and mercy and poison if it mattered at all.
And I like to think one day it will; but certainly not now - and when the time comes for it to matter... then I'm very afraid that it won't touch me anymore.

So you know - they all know. I know, too. So we're all here. Hi.
Well, if it's all so important - what now?

I guess it probably wasn't the best time or the best place to lose it.

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