Tuesday, December 26, 2006

I'm not a deliberately mean person but I don't lie to spare anyone and if you ask, you damn well better be prepared to take it.

If you're going to start rambling about how someone is an ass, you damn well better be better than them and have something to show for it.

If you're going to call me a liar, you damn well better be prepared to take it when I remind you of your own lies.

If you're going to talk behind my back, you better be able to face it when I tell you I know and that those very "friends" you talk trash about me with, they used to talk trash about you to me.

If you're going to whine that I'm gone, you damn well better be able to remind me of the last time you actually were there for me - and not for yourself, or for her.

If you're not going to be able to prove me wrong, you probably should've shut up in the first place - because I for one have the nerve to tell you what my fucking problem is and not to be hypocritical about it.

I'm listening -

Where the fuck have you been in the past months? When did you ever call to chat and not to verify information, or to gather information to pass on to your little clique? When did you ever have any intention to call me or to see me?

Where the fuck have you been in the past years? When was the last time that you called to catch up? When did you ever actually suggest to see me or us, at the time? When was the last time you kept what I told you to yourself? When did you ever acknowledge the fact that I was leaving and when did you ever make the slightest effort to see me while you still had the opportunity? How dare you blame me for walking out when you never dared discuss the fact that we had been steadily drifting apart?

I never pushed you away - I just blinked and when I opened my eyes, you were ALL GONE.

Friends don't betray. Friends don't let a friendship die. Friends don't choose a side.

This is why I saw no need to fight or to try and prove I had a point, too.
Because real friends would've known and trusted that.

I didn't push you away - I tried to hold on to you, but you never grabbed my hand; you were slippery and I let you go.

And you allowed for this to happen.

If you have a problem with those who caught me as I was falling, then you should've kept me from falling in the first place. Maybe it was you I wanted to catch me, and maybe I could have sworn it was impossible for anybody else to help me.

Damn it, I did truly believe you cared. I trusted that you would remain neutral and that you wouldn't be so easily manipulated. I was certain that I wouldn't have to prove anything to you.

So you know what, justify yourself to yourself as much as you want - I can readily hear you anyway. Good for you if you can put all the blame on me and convince yourself your behavior was the most appropriate.
I just hope you are aware that it doesn't change how you've made me feel and the extent to which you disappointed me.

Not that you would give a damn, of course.

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