Friday, August 31, 2007

Because I watched a few old Ally episodes in my VHS last night and I just love this:

Ally: That's just dumb.

Judge: Would dumb be the legal definition ?

Ally: Your Honor, if you look at alimony and palimony, it comes down to fairness. Now whatever his problems, which couldn't be kept in check, much less his pants, she endured it for nine years. She's taken care of the children, she's...

Judge(interrupting): The problem, Counsel, is that the fairness issue presupposes a valid union, here, technically it might have been invalid !

Ally: And that's dumb !

Judge: We're back to legal definitions.

Ally: If we're really gonna go down that road and hold up marriage ceremonies to standards of sanity, watch out ! People run out to Las Vegas on their first dates. Some listen to their astrologers. So many people make terrible horrendous decisions out of passion and we still enforce those marriage contracts.

Judge: There is a difference between recklessness and insanity !

Ally: Oh he wasn't insane. He knew what he was doing, even if he was being led by little Mister Helmet Head !

Judge: Mister Helmet Head ?

Ally: Love by definition is crazy ! I'm crazy about him, he's mad about her, people get blinded by love, they fall ass over tea kettle. What does that expression even mean, ass over tea kettle ? It's nonsensical ! But we excuse it because if it's about love, fine. Love doesn't make sense. People fall in love for all sorts of insanity's, and we don't legislate the reasons. But once they take vows, once they get that legal piece of paper and once they start having kids, we take that seriously. And we call it an institution. And for this man to be running around vaccinating any woman he can convince to play doctor. For this man to indulge his little affliction at the expense of his wife and his children. For this man to skirt financial and moral responsibility because he found a skuzzy lawyer and a skuzzier shrink to pronounce him disabled. For this man to waltz into a court and get an order saying that this woman was never married, when she led an exemplary married life. For this man to say that he's addicted to love, addicted to sex, addicted to infidelity, lying and cheating. For this man to come in here prorating his penis, like he should qualify for handicapped parking ! (she turns around to Mr. Goodman) How dare you subject this woman to this embarrassment ? How dare you subject your kids to it ? How dare you live ? You giant ass !

No comments: