I think life is just fucking unfair.

I mean you have this new friend and everything's cool, and he's happy, and you're happy, and you're always hanging out together and playing together, and you're definitely his favorite, and when it comes to comforting him, you're the one who does it best.

But then you're not so happy anymore. And it's not his fault, it's actually not even anybody else's fault, except maybe your own, but then you just can't bring yourself to actually "go out there", it's all far too hard and complicated and staying alone with yourself is all that you really feel you are able to do.

So the two of you kind of stop playing together. It only happens once in a while, not even regularly, because you're just too fucking busy with yourself.
But does he get mad ? No, oh no. He still loves you just the same, and everytime he sees you, he's just as happy as he always was to see you. He probably misses you, but he doesn't show it, really, and you just try not to think about it. Because yes, you feel guilty, and you know you're going to regret it one day, but you figure pushing things at the back of your mind saves you some time.

But you have to be clear. You love him, too. Nothing about that is changed. And you wish you could go out there and play - but you can't. Or you can. You don't know. You try not to think about it.

And the two of you grow older - or actually, you grow older, while he grows old. And you move out. And moving out is like the big break that you've been needing for the last few years, you're finally OUT of this cycle you were in before, and finally, things are looking up...
And he is old now. Or maybe not that old, but kinda sick. You see that coming, everytime you go back to visit him, things are worse, and you don't even know if you should play with him a little like you do because maybe he's too sick and that's making things worse. But it's also making him happy for a little while, because he gets to play, and he gets to be with you, and maybe, maybe it will make up for all the times you thought he didn't need you, he didn't need anybody and he was okay by himself.
So he got sick, so sick some are talking about killing him, and the whole time he was alone, and missing you, because you, for the first time in years, were out there and having a good time, and you were fucking happy.

And damn it, it happened before, it happened not so long ago, and back then you know it was really the right thing to do, and it wasn't your fault, and it's not your fault this time either, except that you could've made him spend much happier years, he wasn't asking for so fucking much but you didn't care, and now it's way too late because he's going to die soon anyway.

I totally hate pets.
I totally hate pets because they never have the decency to die of old age, peacefully in their sleep, they just get really, really sick until you have to betray your loving, trusting animal and terrify them by taking them to a completely unknown place full of strangers but it's ok because you're there and they trust you and you wouldn't have brought them there if something bad was to happen to them so it's ok, it has to be ok and have them put to sleep.